Seemingly Real


A tag I have on this blog that is currently empty is fiction. I always have all these ridiculous ideas for stories that I want to get out on paper (or… typed… you know what I mean) and I really want that to be a thing that happens. Soon.

To kick off the fiction tag here and all the madness that will surround it, here is an original story I found from 2004. Coincidentally, the dates that I started and finished the story were June 15 – June 18. So, happy 12 year anniversary of this story starting tomorrow! Woo!(?)

I think some of this came from a dream I had, but it was so long ago I don’t fully remember. Anyways, let’s kick this crazy mess of a fiction tag off.




He told me he would only cut my wrist.

“I’ll only slit your wrist, just a little,” Shane had exclaimed, peering up to me through his curtain of dirty blonde hair.

I believed him.

I really fucking believed him.

Jonathan was hunched over by the opening in the archway, keeping vigil out over the empty courtyard of the school. The sunlight hit his face and lit up his chocolate eyes, giving them a warm, friendly glow. They were narrowed, gazing out to the open space which was surrounded by the tall walls of the brick building. Stone paths and a small, uniform spritzing of plant life gave the courtyard a calm, quaint appearance. I couldn’t take my eyes from it.

“Nicholas.” I felt fingers clutching my right wrist. “Nicholas, look at me.”

My uniform jacket was off, slung over my left shoulder and the white, basic t-shirt that usually hid under it was sticking to my skin from the heat. I ripped my eyes from the peaceful scene and looked to Shane. The sight of him made my breath halt in my throat. It really didn’t want to continue drawing itself in and out after catching that expression Shane had plastered on his face.

Pearly whites peeked through thin pale lips, the shade drawing out the dark bags under his cool emerald eyes.

He was my best friend. But right now, I hated him.

“Hurry up.” Jonathan swiveled his head around and looked at me, strands of dark brown hair falling into his face. I could hear him, but his lips didn’t seem to be moving. “Before someone comes.”

Maybe it was a trick of the sunlight.

Jonathan was a good friend of mine, but I knew he could never touch the bond that Shane and I had. We had known each other all our lives, all eighteen years of it.

My eyes dropped as a thought suddenly slid into my brain. “Anna…”

“Fuck her.”

He elaborated on his response when he saw me wince.

“Don’t worry about her. She won’t know. Your jacket will cover it.”

Shane and Anna always seemed to fight over me. I met her years after I met Shane… but Shane always saw her as a threat to our friendship.

I met his gaze again and nodded.

I don’t even remember why I agreed to this. Hell, I don’t even remember agreeing to it at all. But doing it would make Shane happy.

‘A badge of our brotherhood’ – he claimed.

Oh-kay Shane. Whatever you say.

Steeling myself, I let my eyes trail to my forearm, which is what Shane’s identical set of eyes landed on as well. After that, and somehow out of nowhere, Shane had a blade in his grasp. It was a steak knife. A serrated steak knife. I recognized it from the kitchen drawer. The ridged edges were pushed into my arm and I could see the way my skin got lighter the harder he pressed. Silver on flesh.

I was so gone that I couldn’t tell if he pushed it up, or had the handle facing me and was pulling it upwards… but he didn’t stop at my wrist.

The metal moved up my arm; it seemed to go too smoothly for a knife with an edge as jagged as that one. The farther up it went, the lighter the pressure Shane delivered. It ran over the short-sleeve of my shirt – I couldn’t even tell if it cut through or went over… The tip finally stopped halfway up the right side of my neck. My eyes, after calming the fuck down and coming back into focus, found their way to Shane, who was leaning on the ledge in front of where I stood, his mouth opened in feigned shock.

“Whoops. Guess I went a bit too far,” his voice oozed with contempt.

I couldn’t feel anything. Not even Jonathan’s seemingly tangible fear at what just took place. He just stood under the archway mumbling incoherently to himself. Shane’s sharp eyes shot in his direction like jade bullets, which instantly caused Jonathan to choke out a sob and turn, breaking off diagonally through the grid of the courtyard, away from the scene.

“Shane…” I half sobbed out, as dribbles of blood began to emerge from the red slit up my arm. I could feel tiny drops finding their way out of the top of the gash… they slid down my neck, tracing the outline of the laceration. “My wrist…”

We were alone. Everyone was in class. Jonathan had run away.

“Put your jacket on, let’s get out of here.” Shane grabbed my dry left arm and helped me tug my jacket on.

…if you could call it helping. He was practically shoving me into the damn thing; stuffing my arms into the sleeves. I winced and grumbled and groaned as my right arm was pushed into the sleeve, the rough fabric of the jacket running across the cut up my side.

Our uniforms were navy blue, the secondary color a dark green. The school’s crest was embroidered across the left chest pocket of the jacket in the same jungle green shade – it always seemed to bring out the color in Shane’s eyes. Mine too.

He had my left wrist in his grasp and he was tugging me along behind him, through the courtyard. The sunlight was now diffused, hidden behind traces of clouds and the slightly darker sky gave an ominous nod to the whole ordeal…

Not that the blood seeping through my jacket, down my hand and dripping to the ground wasn’t pretty damn ominous enough.

Come on Shane, what the fuck?

“Let’s go… let’s go…” Shane led me through the empty halls, out into a different courtyard, a shortcut to the front of the school supposedly. There was a class out there, all standing in front of their teacher, who was lecturing them on something trivial. The teacher’s back was to us, but as the loud bell echoed throughout the school grounds, the student’s heads turned and they spotted us.

My head twisted slowly to look in their direction and the teacher was staring at us by then. His hand shot up and his pointer finger as well – in a heartbeat, he and his class were after us. My neck screamed out in pain, I shouldn’t have turned my head. I realized that too late.

Shane grabbed me again and we were back in the corridors of the school. People were spilling out of the classrooms and milling around before they had to be somewhere else. I didn’t look at them as people as I was running, really… they became roadblocks. Barriers that kept me from escaping.

Escaping to what? I have no idea.

An existence made up of hiding and running away with someone who had just cut me. Cut me hard. What the shit are you thinking, Nicholas?

I stopped letting bullshit fill my head and I just tried to concentrate on following Shane, following him to the main doors of the school – to get out of this supposedly educational hell. Dodging bodies, sliding through groups of people, ignoring the throbbing pain along my right side. I left a trail of crimson drops on the scratched surface of the floor…

“Cover your arm, you stupid shit!” Shane threw me back a dirty look, strands of his hair streaming into his face as he ran ahead.

We dashed through another courtyard, this one was near the main doors. The walls around it were made out of tall windows that looked back into the hallways of the school. A decorative lattice of painted metal covered certain parts of the windows, giving it a reflective surface. I could see the gathering clouds above us and then my eyes moved along…


Her back was to the courtyard, her arms wrapped around her defensively. The whole school had heard about us by now. They were looking for us. Anna look worried. Was she really worried about me?

I strayed from behind Shane and practically threw myself into the glass behind her. I could see drops of blood fly up onto the glass when I smacked my palms against it, whimpering endlessly. It hurt to speak.

She spun around and her eyes went wide at the sight of me — I could faintly see my own reflection in the glass, over her worried face. Blood had stained my t-shirt to a disgusting dirty brick red. I could feel myself shaking, shivering. Anna’s eyes were still open as far as they could go, the whites in her eyes so visible it made my throat close up. I could feel Shane hovering over my shoulder – that must be why she looked so worried, she saw Shane. He was grabbing at my jacket, hissing in my ear.

In the reflection, I could see people trailing out into the courtyard, towards us. I paid them no mind. I shoved Shane aside and threw myself at the nearest door into the school. Pulling it open, I could hear the mumblings and excited chatter of the students who were standing around the hallway. I could hear Jonathan, extremely loud, far to my right – he must’ve been speaking to an administrator of some sort.

“…don’t know! He just began cutting himself! Right there! In the courtyard!”

Whatever, Jonathan.

Shane followed me in, I could hear the door slam behind me. I knew he’d be pissed at what I was doing; keeping us from getting away, but I didn’t care anymore. Why did I still trust him?

I ran to Anna. I wrapped her up in my arms – as much as it hurt to, and I hugged her as tight as I could. I could already feel myself getting lightheaded. I let her go and placed my hands on either side of her face. My blood had seeped into her uniform, which was now splotchy with red streaks and marks.

“I don’t understand… why… why…” She was mumbling to me.

“It was Shane, Anna… it was Shane who did this.” It hurt so bad to speak, but she had to know.

Shane was roughly ten feet behind me. I knew he was standing there with that smirk on his face, his arms by his sides, his breath deep and smooth. I knew his sneer was growing.

Anna pushed me away, tears in her eyes. I couldn’t hold myself up by that time and I began to sway back and forth. Her mouth began to work around soundless words until she finally screamed out.

“How many times have we been over this?! Shane isn’t real!”

What are you talking about?

I fell over at that point, onto my back, my eyes narrowing because of the blaring fluorescent lights in the ceiling. Blood slowly began to pool at my right elbow; Shane was there in a heartbeat, crouching in the pool of crimson fluid. And Anna must’ve forgotten any anger that had built up towards me because she was kneeling at my left side, my unharmed half, brushing her fingers back through my hair.

They were both speaking to me, I couldn’t make out any words though.

The clouds broke a bit and sunlight filtered into the hall from the courtyard, giving Anna an oddly comforting backlight and stopping about halfway over my body. Shane stayed in the harsh artificial lighting of the hallway, spitting out curses and commands to ‘get up’ and ‘come on, let’s get the fuck out’ …

All I could do was stare at the ceiling. It hurt to move anything, except my eyes. I watched as Anna stood and backed away from me, in the direction of my feet. She stood and watched me, her arms wrapped around herself again.

Shane stood and tripped back the other way, past my head which was rocking back and forth on the cold floor. Shane began to move backwards, towards the front door of the school, towards freedom.

I didn’t want him to get away without me. It took all my strength to turn myself over onto my stomach and watch him as he escaped. He was stumbling backwards, running his right hand over the walls and the lockers, smearing trails and spots of my blood that was on his hand. The fucker was laughing the whole way.

I could hear his cackles drowning out Anna’s sobs.

It hurt like hell to hold my head up to watch Shane, but for some reason I just kept on doing it. I kept my eyes on him the whole way down the corridor, as he skipped and stumbled backwards, his emerald gaze locked on me, his eyes bright with laughter. I was dying.

Dying and he just left me there. My best friend.

Jonathan had made his way to Anna by now. He had her in his arms and I could still hear her sobs. Faint and distant… but I could hear them. Shane vanished into the crowd. Forever.

“He still believes in Shane?” I heard Jonathan inquire.

Through her weeping, she replied. “I tried to get him help… but he wouldn’t listen.”

It was the last thing I heard consciously.

But in my head I could hear it…

Somewhere, Shane was laughing at me.