Last October, I did a little photography project with myself and my Jacket costume from Hotline Miami. It was mainly because I wanted to try out a lighting idea I had ( and I wanted a new Twitter profile picture cause mine was forever old :B ) but I ended up liking a lot of the photos and wanted to try out some photoshop filters and such that I had been meaning to mess with for a year and then some.

I’ll probably post some more photos from this set at some point because the lighting actually worked the way I wanted it to(!) – huzzah!

So that’s all how it came about — but what exactly is it? It started as a set of photos but has sort of grown into a multimedia collective of Jacen/Tenel Ka related works and things we’ve made. Costumes, photos, fanmixes, gifs, alternate universes — there’s a whole number of things we added into our planning/ideas list and began to work on when we decided we were definitely starting this whole thing.

To stay updated with the project, you can check out the main site for it or follow the tumblr, pinterest or instagram!

Here’s a glimpse into just a small part of what we’re doing for this project — the alternate universes!

  “You know you absolutely cannot post this photo anywhere, correct?”
“Ugh, I know. Political matters, families, blah blah blah. Just let me pretend we’re allowed to be normal for once. And it’s not just any photo, it’s called a selfie.”
“That sounds ridiculous. Who came up with that?”

Yesterday In A Galaxy Next Door is a modern AU and includes Jacen the photography nerd plus his pets as well as his super-secret girlfriend TK – both of whom would rather not be in the public eye but usually are thanks to the politicians in their families.

“Some called her Lady Caedus for a time until there were whispers of a new designation, which came only after rumors of traitors in the Hapan Council. Those against her went after the most important things: first, her daughter, then the control of her court and finally the safety of her people. She had been a force to reckon with as Tenel Ka Chume Ta’ Djo, but now with supposed new powers and Darth Caedus – often rumored to be Allana Djo’s father – on her side, her grandmother’s supporters finally began to do what they should have done from the start. Fear the Queen Mother.”

The Galaxy Can Burn is a Sith AU and gathers some highlights from some odd timeline where Tenel Ka joins Caedus after something happens to Allana. We know that TK would never go dark/give scrublord Caedus the time of day at this point but it’s always fun coming up with this crazy stuff so why not have a Sith AU?

   “I know you aren’t really big on jewelry, but I figured this might hold some value to you. Somehow. Maybe.”
“Is that a piece of gort eggshell?”
“What else would it be? Come on, Your Majesty.”

I’d Give You The Galaxy takes a look at some universe where Jacen didn’t go on his five-year journey after the war with the Yuuzhan Vong and instead helped rebuild around him — physically from all the devastation and emotionally with everyone close to him. Also, he visits Hapes a lot for some reason??? Really though, Hapan traditions be damned — these kids are gonna get married somehow (most likely in secret) and this is the AU where it’ll happen!

    “You know you terrified Allana, right?”
“I know. When I see her–”
“If. If you see her.”

The Galaxy’s Good is a what-if of epic “Jaina not killing Caedus and him possibly being redeemed” proportions. Allana’s with the Solo family (as Amelia), Isolder is dead and the Queen Mother of Hapes wonders if there is a chance that the Jacen she knew could fully return. Ruling the Hapan people for so long though, has stifled any optimism she might have had over the years, so who knows? Maybe Jacen Solo will be a scrublord FOREVER. ETERNAL SCRUBLORD DAMNATION.

That’s just a small peek at all the stuff we’re working on for this collection. Keep an eye out for updates at the links listed up above if you’re interested! (Also, woo-hoo if you’re interested! More EU & J/TK fans! <3)

I know it’s obvious, but we love video games. I would say we love them too much, but there’s no such thing as too much love. We also love showing our adoration of video games with things like costumes and writing — and now photography.

I’m going to share the introduction to the project that is on the website for it, and then share the first set of images from it!

What is Genii Locorum?

Genii Locorum is a project I originally wanted to do many, many moons ago in my last year of high school. It was 2003, I was in Photography III and I loved video games (and fandom in general) then as much as I do now. Originally, I wanted to take my favorite games and set up photographs that looked as if they could’ve popped right out of that universe. A couple were taken with my SLR and processed in the photo lab at school – there was also a Persona 2 photo (a hand and a cell phone – Joker!) and a Final Fantasy VIII photo (jet trails that reminded me of the missiles from Galbadia Garden) that crept onto a black and white roll (which you can see above).

All these years later I find myself taking photos at conventions of costumers from my favorite games, movies, etc. and still find myself taking photos of things that remind me of those universes as well. I figured I could finally take these photos, gather them in one place, and show my love for my favorite fictional universes. Nate (the other half of zhobot.net) took interest in this project when I showed him the photos I took in high school and the rest grew from there!

Okay, I get the site. But why Genii Locorum?

Since many of the photos in this project are video game related, I chose this name because it is one of my favorite ideas/tropes.

Genii Locorum is in the most basic sense “spirits of places.” Genius Loci is Latin for “spirit of a place” and since this project is spanning many “universes” (or places) and the camera acts as something observing something else happening inside the universe, I thought spirits of places was a term that could apply in a way to the project. It’s been through a couple names but they were all strictly video game-related. This one can encompass any fictional universe we dive into.

Oh man, you did a photo from ______! I love that show/book/game/etc. Can I take it home?

We’re actually planning on having some prints at the cons we have tables at, but if you won’t be able to make it to those you could check our shop or our Redbubble shop to see if anything’s there!

Below you’ll find the first four photos from this project — we had a ton of fun taking them and look forward to more in the future! Click the images to see the photos in their full glory~

SACHIKO EVER AFTER // Corpse Party — Corpse Party is an amazing little visual novel filled with an insane amount of creepiness. We wanted to include the Sachiko charm as well as one of the save points (one of Ayumi’s candles). We also thought the spot on the wall could use something so we added the “Admit it. You hate all your friends. Eventually, you’ll kill one another.” note that you find in one of the school hallways.

Originally the Sachiko charm was going to be intact but we tore it up and added some blood to specific pieces. That took a lot of staring at a certain few screenshots to tear it up and mark it correctly!

PSYCH PROFILE // Silent Hill: Shattered Memories — Silent Hill: Shattered Memories was sort of a polarizing game in the SH series – some people loved it, some hated it – we were definitely into it! It was different and it was actually one of Nate’s first adventures into the town of Silent Hill (we played it early in our relationship so he’s been on a bunch of adventures to SH now, MUAHAHA). We both think that that game should really be experienced on the Wii though. Hearing stuff through the Wiimote (“Door’s open.”) reeeeaaalllly added an extra “NO WHAT WHAT WAS THAT WHAT” factor.

Obviously the phone, screen and all don’t look like Harry’s from the game but we worked with what we had! It was snowing and we freaked out and thought SHATTERED MEMORIES PHOTO TIME HURRY FIND THE FLASHLIGHT AND CHANGE MY CONTACT INFO TO SAY CHERYL. ;D

TAKE ME TO SANDY SHORES // Grand Theft Auto V — Grand Theft Auto V is one of our very favorite games.

There will definitely be photos from the other GTA games here (as well as more from V) but we had to do a GTA V one first because we have so many feels for it. And out of all the GTA V ideas we have, we had to do a Trevor Philips one first because Trevor Philips. This one is inspired by a Snapmatic photo Heather took of the space between the wall and Trevor’s bed. We took that and ran with it. Or we… took it and jumped on a stolen golf cart and went screaming down the Del Perro Freeway with it.

HIGH-FIVES FOR POINDEXTERS // ToeJam & Earl — This little game from ‘91 was one of the first games the two of us played together (a little less than two decades after the original release). We took a photo somewhat like this after we made these two clay versions of the titular characters which was shortly after we finished the game. When we started Genii Locorum we knew we wanted to take a better shot – pull the view back a bit and make it look more like a screenshot from the game.

One of our favorite things in the game is when they dance with the hula girls, so of course, that was what we focused on with this photo (and the original one we took a long time ago). We know you’re not supposed to let them dance because they get distracted and could get attacked but it’s so adorable.

Celarain Lighthouse, Punta Sur, Cozumel, Mexico – November 2011
(photo/edit: me)

Prince Charming Regal Carrousel @ Magic Kingdom, Walt Disney World – September 2016
(photo/edit: me)

Joshua Tree National Park, California – November 2015
(photo/edit: me)

Venice Beach, California – November 2015
(photo/edit: me)

Illuminations @ EPCOT World Showcase – 2010
(photo/edit: me)

Morocco Pavilion @ EPCOT World Showcase – 2010
(photo/edit: me)

This post was going to be all thought out and setup and ordered perfectly when I realized I was putting it off for so long because I can’t make it neat. I can’t put it in order. Just like the thing the post is about, it has to go and mess everything I had/have planned up. It’s about the big D. No, not that big D – get your mind out of the gutter. 

Depression.

It’s about my personal depression (my big D, hahahaha okay I’m done). Stuff that affects me, stuff that happens to me, all those fun things– maybe one day someone will come along, read this mess and see that the weird way they’re feeling or the weird thing their mind is doing isn’t their fault. If this ever helps even one person not feel alone then I’ve accomplished something.

A couple of years ago I found myself doing a lot of things that I hadn’t done in the past. I would go into one of the bathroom stalls at work and cry for no apparent reason, I would stop doing things I usually enjoyed doing, I would stare at the ceiling at night thinking about how everyone I knew – family, friends, pets – were going to die at some point.

None of these things I found myself doing were any good. Not one. When I first thought it could be something like depression, I, of course, went through the whole, “But I have nothing to be depressed about really” thought process. Which is a stupid and useless thought process because that’s not how depression works (but that is the statement and/or question you will usually get from at least one or two people if the subject comes up – “Your life is great, how can it be depression?”) 

I went to my doctor and told her all of the things that were happening to me and yeah, she went straight to depression. She asked me tons of questions, told me lots of facts and said we’d try medication. I’m on my second type now. The first worked for a while and then suddenly I just started sleeping all the time. I would get home from work, sleep, wake up for dinner, go back to sleep. On the weekends it was sleep, lunch, sleep, dinner, sleep. Nothing was getting done. I was lucky I was getting work done at work. 

The worst thing about that was when I was at work and thinking of all the things I was gonna do when I got home. I would make lists of all the things I would work on: edit photos from this, paint that, work on this costume, finish coding that website. Yet, with my list in hand, I would come in the front door, see the couch and in seconds I would be on it, under a blanket and asleep. Nate would always come home from work to find me on the couch.

Speaking of Nate, one of the other things that got me to finally go to the doctor in the first place – one of the things that started happening that wasn’t normal, wasn’t good at all – I would be a raging bitch for no reason. Especially to Nate, since he was usually the only one around when I wasn’t at work. He would suggest eating out on a Friday night, then ask what we should have and I would respond with a really snotty, “I don’t know.” Even after I said it, even after I knew how I said it, I would think: “What the hell did you do that for? Why are you being such a bitch?” But I wouldn’t apologize.

There would be nights where I wouldn’t wake up from a nap for dinner and if I did, I would be silent and stewing over nothing, in particular, the whole damn time. I even said that to my doctor during the initial diagnosis. “I’m being a raging bitch for no reason. I know I’m doing it but I don’t stop.” The first medication stopped the bitch-switch from the perma-on position, I didn’t find myself doing things like crying at work or staring at the ceiling as much but after a number of months, all I did was sleep. And this fact, the fact that I couldn’t stop that, would get my anger-motor going again.

My second medication is better. No rage (unless it’s road rage sometimes because drivers in my area are horrible), no random bouts of crying, no sleeping for eternity. The one thing that still hangs on though is the not-getting-a-damn thing done. If this is a symptom of this depression-beast you have, you will get, “Just get up and do it.” –to whatever you aren’t getting done. Which is so much easier said than done. It’s easy for people who don’t understand it or deal with it, yeah. But have you ever felt that? That thing where you’re staring off into space, laying in bed, sitting at your computer, on your couch, whatever – and you know you have something that needs to be done or something that you want to do and it’s right there. And you tell yourself in your head, “It’s right there, you can do the thing. It’s so easy.” And it might be – it might be as simple as calling your mom. Or paying a bill. Or taking a shower. But even though your mind is telling you that yeah that thing is right there and you can do it, your body does not follow. And no matter how hard your mind pushes, no matter how much you know you need to get something done, your body refuses. Finally, your mind gives up and you get lost on the internet or you roll over in bed and go back to sleep. Sometimes you don’t even make it out of bed in the morning. Sometimes getting up is a struggle. It doesn’t sound like it should be, it shouldn’t be. But it is.

I have so many things I want to make, stories I want to finish, projects I want to continue, costumes I want to piece together – things that either haven’t been finished or haven’t even been started. In February I got laid off from my job, which sucks, but I tried to look for a silver lining with the situation. I had been there for almost ten years, sitting in the same desk chair, doing the same things. Maybe this was good. This would give me more time to work on all these things. Maybe it was just my job holding me back from all this stuff.

No. I mean, I felt better, lost a little bit of weight – that’s all good. But I still sit and stare at things I want to get done. I still have all these ideas I want to do something with and it’s always, “I can do it tomorrow.” I want to go back to my doctor and ask her what to do now but I’m afraid starting a different medication will switch the worst things back on – the crying, the sleeping, the rage. I keep telling myself to make the appointment. Just pick up the phone and make the appointment.

“I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Nate and I are set to get married on October 31st (I swear Nate is some magical unicorn with superpowers since he’s stuck with me through all this and still wants to marry me) and since I don’t have a job I’ve been working on the invites, the websites, and all that other fun stuff. If this was a thing that didn’t have a due date, these things probably wouldn’t be getting done as fast as they are (and by fast I mean, slow-by-normal-standards-but-it’s-a-pretty-good-speed-for-me-go-me). But things are actually getting done and it feels really good. We had some costumes finished that we never wore to any conventions or got any photos of because I wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t feeling anything. Recently, we got some photos of some costumes and I sat and edited them. It all felt really good.

Maybe this is what I need for now. Maybe I put off calling the doctor. Maybe I see how I do for the next few months. See how I feel after the wedding. Because I actually got a couple of things done. These things are getting done now, but very slowly. I could’ve had these kinds of things done in a heartbeat before my bff depression came along, brought all its shit and took up residence in my body and mind. On occasion I still sit, think about all of the things I want to create and write and share and worry that none of them will ever get done. I feel this nagging sense of failure because I have nothing to show to my friends and family that I’m really proud of – I feel like I’m letting everyone down. The stuff I have is always “in-progress”, it’s always half-finished stuff or ideas that never make it out of my brain. I know I’m not a failure and I’ve made things that I (and other people) have liked but there’s always that little voice in my head, that dull ache that just continuously repeats, “lol stop sucking, look how much you suck. Why do you bother even hoping you can finish that– and if you do, why do you bother finishing because it’ll be shit anyways. There are so many people better than you at this.”

I now find it a giant achievement when I manage to apply for one job or make myself a real meal or edit some photos. I know that sounds really sad, but baby steps are something, I guess. I’m starting a calendar called, “Get One Thing Done Today Dammit” and on each day I will have one simple thing I want to get done, whether it’s painting, costume work, writing, working – anything. Maybe I’ll graduate to two things a day in the future. 

It feels good to get all this out. It isn’t changing anything about the original diagnosis. I still have depression. There’s no real cure. But it’s like a roller coaster (a really shitty broke ass roller coaster because roller coasters are usually awesome) – there are ups and downs. The downs could be months long, the ups could be a couple of days. The ups could be something as simple as rambling forever about your depression. Even though writing this didn’t change anything physically or mentally, emotionally it helped a bit. It’ll continue to help if anyone gets anything out of this. This is my big achievement for the day.

Go me.